I am having more and more fun with my friends lately, which means I am getting more and more depressed. Sounds like a broken logic right? Due to my leaving soon, probably leaving anyways, I will be leaving Humboldt and friends in early May.
I have dreams about my dreams coming true. I write songs of what I'd like to happen. And then I wake up in the morning and decide not to go to class on the day that is the most important for the whole week.
This morning I woke up and got ready early so I could go to the library and printout my lab paper out before my physiology lecture and lab. For some reason I decided that I didn't need to go to the library and climbed back into bed. I told myself, well it's only 9:38am, so you'll just stay in bed until 9:47am and then grab your bag and go to lecture. Soon it was 9:50am and I didn't leave my bed. I took a soft light blue blanket from home on the way back to Humboldt from Spring Break, maybe I can blame that on my staying in bed until the afternoon. The whole ''it was so comfortable I couldn't leave'' excuse. But I know the real reason. Sadness. It's a happy sadness though. I'm having so much fun that knowing I won't have this after I leave makes me sad.
My roommates told me I'm the quietest human being after I stumbled out of my bedroom this afternoon. They didn't know I was home, apparently this isn't the first time that has happened. I am a quiet human being.
I just think of why God would have this happen to me, again. Is it this time that I'm supposed to stand up for myself and come the realization that I am an adult who can choose, and choose what I want? Or am I supposed to treat my life like one big business decision, like my grandpa told me. My parents told me that my grandpa was very wise in saying that, which screwed up my train of thought. My train of thought to that wise ideal.. ''that's bull shit, life isn't a business decision''. Do I want to treat my life like a human business decision? What am I supposed to do?
During Spring Break I made Tomato Chicken soup: