Wednesday, November 21, 2012

henna hair dye

hi. i used to want my hair red for some reason and now i have this hair dye. so i figured, i'll just use it and get it over with. this hair dye is natural and good for your hair. this the before picture of my hair. i'll add another photo tomorrow of my hair, because i hear that the color develops overnight.
so this photo is actually a week or so after the dying process. i've gotten a lot of complements with people saying my hair looks really 'rich'. i think that that was what i was going for. i have had some random thoughts of dying my hair really blonde but after hearing time and time again of people spending 60-120$ every 6 weeks on their hair...i think i may stick with rich&natural colors that are much cheaper and WAY less maintenance! peace dudes.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I bought some meat

I bought some meat for the week.
I would say after a lot of thought, but it wasn't after that much thought. I bought some meat.
Some cow meat, salmon meat, and tuna meat.
I'm excited to start eating meat again.
My vegetarianism some how developed and evolved without me knowing
and now I'm here to take charge.

I'm here to take charge and start giving myself adequate amounts of protein.

And soon I'll take charge and be able to give myself adequate amounts of alcohol.

Cheers to renewal
Cheers to turning legal

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

there is nothing

there is nothing more sexy than a man with a beard wearing a baseball cap driving a mini van with a rusty license plate from indiana

Saturday, October 27, 2012

m y r o o m i n t h e t r e e s b y t h e i n n o c e n c e m i s s i o n

i s
c o m p l e t e l y 
w o n d e r f u l
a l b u m

( a n d
y o u
s h o u l d
l i s t e n
t o
i t
w h e n 
y o u 
g e t 
h o m e .)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

screaming in starbux

At startbux today a mother with a baby and a four year old little girl hobbled in and found themselves a table. The mother immediately sat down at one chair while four year old little girl helped the baby put a pacifier into her mouth so she would stop crying. How sweet I thought. Even at young ages such as four, girls just seem to be so nurturing. Then a few minutes later out of the corner of my eye I saw the mother put a cloth over her shirt and start breast feeding her little baby....right in the middle of starbux. I mean I guess she had to..the baby was crying..and hungry. What was she going to do instead? Haul her four year old little girl, her infant baby in a baby carrier, her diaper bag, and her coffee all the way back to the car and breast feed and then come back in to starbux to finish her freezing cold coffee? I guess it made the most logical sense to just hunker down and do it right there. However a few minutes after the mother picked up the baby to breast feed, the four year old fell down off the chair and hit her head on the cold hard starbux linoleum floor. The four year old instantly started crying bloody murder and the other one closely followed in suit. Both of her babies were crying, because one was hungry and because one slammed her head on the ground. The mother couldn't pick up the four year old to console her since her other baby was still nursing, so she just sort of sat there. Terrified and exhausted. I There is a woman. That is mom power. Inspiring. Sacrificial. Loving. Wonderful. This is how two babies screaming bloody murder and a frazzled and over worked mother in starbux could look so much like Jesus to me.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

my heart melted

"You are going to be one great nurse. If I get sick, I want you taking care of me."

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Pharmacy School

I'm thinking about Pharmacy school. I'm just thinking about it.

To find out where the Physician's orders mysteriously goes to be "filled" by the man under the curtain
To shine some light into the industry and learn more about pharmacokinetics
To fight for justice and the good of man kind 
To be the brains of the operation and not have to push intelligence into someone else's hands
To know I am trustworthy and dedicated

Pre-Req's left for Pharm program:

Chemistry I
Chemistry II
Organic Chemistry I
Organic Chemistry II
Calculus I
Calculus II

(if still thinking about this when you graduate in DEC 2013, apply to Humboldt and register for SEM I classes for the Spring Semester that started in Jan something..) ...take NCLEX before classes start, get an ED job, start classes

Calculus 1


SEM II (apply to Pharm school during this semester AUG 2014 (age 23) ):
Organic Chemistry
Calculus II

This is a competitive program that likes to accept people with Bachelors degrees already. I'll working as a nurse for 1-2 years in the ED while taking these classes and then apply during the second semester...! And finally I could be paying for everything myself (full time is 12hrs 3X/wk) and be saving money for Pharmacy school.

Other schools to check pre-req's and admission requirements for:
grad at 27/28
and then....Doctors without Borders!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


Today I twirled my hair so much that now every time I touch it, I just get sick from how soft it is.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

trying to do healthy things more

read my bible more
pray more
fast often, more
meditate more
floss every night, more
wear my retainers every night, more
be clean more
have a clean room more
do laundry on time more
do homework faster, more
run more
yoga more
eat smaller amounts more
eat meat for adequate B12 levels, for curing anemia, for reducing constant drowsiness, more
smile more
sleep instead of facebook more
relax more
have friends more
make joyful music when writing more
be ok, more
use less, more
reduce consumption of things more
have less in my closet, more
be calm more
have time to create again, more
rejoice in the Lord again, more
i say rejoice, more

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Jonah & The Whale & The Housemates 

Tonight during a study break, I went downstairs to find my housemates learning about Jonah. They are going to teach the story to a bunch of little kids during Sunday school tomorrow morning. It was a great lesson for me to learn. It's a story about the Lord giving and the Lord taking away, and how in the midst of that giving and that taking, we are to be grateful and submissive. I used to have a hardened heart against the word 'submissive'. My mind would just shut down and I couldn't really clearly communicate why beyond the fact it was used against housewives. But here I am now, learning that submission and being adaptive is such a great way to love God. I listened to a sermon in a hot bath tonight, and it was about work, about slaves submitting to their masters. I am willing to be a slave to the only Great one. I am willing to put aside things and people and times so that I may follow through and stay on track with my part in His story, it is my duty.

To the kids in the White Hart complaining of their parents buying them expensive wool socks


Monday, October 1, 2012

I wanted to write a poem

I wanted to write a poem about all the details I gathered in my head about Laurel School today
I wanted to capture the feeling of the staff bathroom
How the door almost hits the toilet when you walk in
How the pale yellow walls looked next to the light brown Seventies Wood
How the tile looked with the grout that had been stained from years being continually dropped on it

How I wanted to take back the feeling I felt
The feeling like I was in a human being zoo
With literal bleats echoing through hallways
Children and adults alike scratching and hitting because they don't understand
Where hypochondriacs and retarded thugs and quiet angry monsters
All join together from five different counties five days a week
And where their guardians thank God for those seven blessed hours

But how precious that smile?
How cute that laugh?
How much I could cry
If I thought what might have happened to them fifty years ago in our great nation.

I got a light warm feeling from all the small desks and wiggly tables
From the calendars with velcro days and laminated birthdays marked
From the season being taped onto the walls and doors
From the stairs that were easy to walk up
From the two secretaries that knew each child by name and walked away from their papers
To give what's-her-name a great hug and another verbal confirmation of her existence.

I got a light innocent feeling from all the wheel chairs and limps
All the misplaced claps and moans
All the butt cracks and all the people holding hands.

We loaded them onto the bus
And I remember being asked what I was going to do when I got home
I remember thinking that what I was going to do when I get home would change in a few years
And I remember thinking that what
She was going to do would be the same thing that
She was going to do for the next twenty-five years

Thursday, September 27, 2012

for the two of you who won't find this:

it hurts when you say that life is short so don't waste it
so go do that thing
those things
that you want to do
it's a shame meredith

well i have a duty
it is my duty to twirl my hair in lecture
to day dream in class
to push back unnecessary learning until the night before the exam
so that one day i'll be given the okay to do another duty
another duty to help people like you
that have told people like me that i shouldn't waste away my life
i'll help you reverse your waste so you can have another chance to tell me
that i was wrong and that i should have chosen the path of me
and not inadvertently the path of you

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Pursuit of Happyness

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness tonight and cried my eyes out. Then I went to the bath tub and took the hottest bath imaginable and cried my eyes out even more. I'm home alone, and clean, and making dinner now, listening to Joy Kills Sorrow while filling out my Biomedical Ethics study guide. I'm going running on the trails tomorrow. I'm learning how to take care of myself too. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Some Questions For You

Why do I do what I don't want to do and why don't I do what I want to do?
Why is it whenever my mind is still, I just feel like crying?
Why is community impossible?
Why can't I have enough time?
Why do I worry when I know the truth?
Why are you so quite all the time?
Why can't I just hear your big booming voice in my heart shaking the fears and insecurities out?

Friday, September 14, 2012

In a coffee shop with an Orthopedic Surgeon

When I am in the environment of a warm, friendly, mom&pop coffee shop, I transform into another version of myself. A friendly and talkative person that can start a natural, unforced conversation with anyone and everyone I meet. Today, I was reading about Inoztiol and Rifampin (Anti-Tuberculosis drugs) in a coffee shop and a man sits in the next table arcoss from me so that basically we are facing each other with two chairs in between us. I heard his phone conversation, where he was giving advice on elevating, icing, and being careful of the healing process. He told the person to call back whenever they needed to or whenever they had questions. After he finished his phone conversation, I felt this thing (this coffee shop thing I get when I'm supposed to talk to someone in the coffee shop) and so I started a conversation.

Are you a doctor?

Yes, I am.

I'm in nursing school, I'm actually studying right now about Anti-TB drugs

Nursing is a really great profession.....You can go anywhere with nursing....La.....La....La.....

The conversation was surprisingly interesting to me. We talked about the complexity of the financial realm of the medical field and how treating a patient with resistant Tuberculosis does really end up costing $180,000. He started to break down all the costs, it was insane. He said, "It's insane." I'm not even joking. Out of the $180,000, doctors only get 8%. I'm not sure if you are aware, but treating Tuberculosis takes years. He went on and said that the medical industry is so big and influential in this country, that if the government decreased the funds by even just 2%, the stocks and share holders would loose money along with all the medical personnel. This would literally cause another depression because of how many people in the country would be effected by this 2% decrease of medical funding. He told me this was all surface level and that this topic was so complex. I nodded in agreement. He asked me what path of nursing I was interested in. I told him about the small orthopedic surgery experience I had in my Med Surg clinical last week, and how I really wanted more intense, adrenaline, bloody, life threatening surgeries. I told him that I wanted to go overseas and be apart of surgeries for people in different countries that needed surgeries done. He then told me he was an orthopedic surgeon, right after I basically said his surgeries were too small for me. Oh well. He didn't seem offended or anything, and why should he be? People's ankles need help too I guess. Anyways, I learned that for the stuff I want to do, to get involved in the actual surgery, I'd need to become a Physician Assistant, Anesthesiologist, or Nurse Practitioner.

Now no one will ever marry me and I'll never finish school....awesome.

I took my shirt off

I took my shirt off and then realized, from an increasing amount of racket being made from all the young boys on my street, that my blinds were drawn up. Awesome. I pulled my shirt back on, closed my blinds, and then retook my shirt off for some reason, I forget why. Anyways, it was embarrassing and I never want to leave my house again because I don't know how many little boys are running around my neighborhood who can imagine me in my bra and american flag head band. And that's the end of the story.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

i like

reading the bible alone
bacon carmel
things from scratch
feeling calm

that's all i have to say right now.
i'm going to bed early, and not because i deserve it,
but because i'm hoping tomorrow will be better
and will include some of the things that i like

i found this tonight,
and i like this:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Matthew 18:10-14

May we always love the little ones, the weak ones, the unable ones. May we always look out for the one's vulnerable and in need of help. May we be diligent even to the point of the release to all other things important, so that we may protect and rescue all that are in need. Because you, Father, desire for all little ones to be looked after and all little ones to be shown love.

Pasture > Shepherd >  Sheep > Single Lost Sheep
Medical Field > Medical Personnel > Community > Patient

Monday, September 10, 2012

Emergency Department

Today I worked in the ED. I totally loved it. I think triage would be an amazing place to work, even though I didn't really helped out in there. I briefly stopped by and saw a little bit of the chaos that goes on in there. You get to listen to people's ridiculous stories about how they landed in the ED on a Monday morning. And then if they aren't close enough to dying yet, you ask them to wait in line. Lol

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Surviving this program

And now for my 4 hours of sleep, followed by an 18 hour day 
...what we will do...

Saturday, September 8, 2012

After my first OR experience

After my first OR experience I think I'm hooked.
And I need big, intense, life-threatening, bloody surgeries.
Adrenaline pumping for 6 hours straight...yes please.

I believe and I am a child of the Lord

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 

John 5:22
The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 

1 Timothy 2:5
For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus

Ephesians 4:3 
Eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

Jeremiah 17:9-10
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

1 Peter 2:17
Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Where I tithe with the little money I've made myself

Heifer International

Shear Joy

SheepEntire communities depend on wool and meat from sheep. Struggling families use sheep's wool to make clothes, or sell it for extra income. Sheep often give birth to twins or triplets and can graze even the hilliest, rockiest pastures unsuitable for other livestock.
Some Heifer families use managed grazing techniques or zero-grazing pens to protect the environment and collect manure for fertilizer, which improves soil and pasture land.
Warm in winter, cool in summer, waterproof and durable - wool is a valuable product that struggling families can use for clothing or sell for extra income.
All over the world, Heifer partners are raising sheep to advance the cause against hunger and poverty. And, through the act of Pass on the Gift, they are also sharing training and animals with other families in need.

(copied and pasted from their website)

These communities aren't just handed a sheep, but they are trained for at least 6 months in advance how to use these sheep in the most advantageous, sustainable, holistic way possible.

To me this is showing the love of God to people. God's love doesn't stop with my donations.. If you think about it... one sheep could potentially give birth to two or three ewes. 

So lets do some math....(with the best possible outcome in mind ....sort of unrealistic that every ewe would be a girl and give birth to 3 ewes..but hey this is my math problem..)

With sheep living from 10-12 years and their productive lifetime best between the ages of 3 to 6 years of age....

In 2012 a donated sheep (sheep #1) at 3 years old gives birth to 3 ewes (sheep #2,3,4)
In 2013 sheep #1 at 4 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #5,6,7)
In 2014 sheep #1 at 5 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #8,9,10)
In 2015 sheep #1 at 6 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #11,12,13)
In 2015 sheep #2,3,4 at 3 years old give birth to a total of 4 more ewes (sheep #14,15,16,17)
In 2016 sheep #2,3,4,5,6,7 at 3&4 years old give birth to 17 more ewes (sheep # 18-34)
In 2017 sheep #2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 at 3&4&5 years old give birth to 26 more ewes (sheep #35-60)
In 2018 sheep #2-13 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 39 more ewes (sheep #61-99)
In 2019 sheep #5-34 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 87 more ewes (sheep #100-186)
In 2020 sheep #8-60 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 156 more ewes (sheep #187-342)
In 2021 sheep #11-99 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 264 more ewes (sheep # 342-606)
In 2022 sheep #14-186 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 516 more ewes (sheep #607-1,122)

So I know this is sort of unrealistic...but potentially is possible by donating one single sheep to a community in an impoverished country, in ten years this community could have 1,122 sheep. I mean even if 1/4 of this amount actually was produced, that would still be about 280 sheep. What if just an eighth of this happened? That's still 140 sheep out of one person deciding to donate one sheep within a ten year period. And what if, worst case scenario, no sheep were produced? That sheep would continually be giving to it's new community until the end of it's years. Worst case scenario.

A sheep is sheered once a year and generally can produce approximately 1000yrds-1500yrds of yarn from this annual shearing. To give you some perspective, that is about 840 slouchy beanies or 420 long scarves or 140 blankets that could be produced, just from that one sheep within ten years continually producing (like they were trained to do by Heifer International). Not only is there the fiber that can be harvested from these sheep, but also there is the whole meat option as well.

And who's to say that we can't donate more than one sheep to get things started off a little more quickly? 

That's what I call a happy tithe.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

A post

I used to carry a notebook around, writing various things about various people and topics. I used to always read and carry books around, reading various things about various people and topics. I used to write songs, singing various things about various people and topics. I used to be someone who could talk in various situations without worrying about uncontrolled blushing or worrying if I'd remember how to structure complete sentences. I've always wondered how it's possible that I think inside my brain and create complete sentences off the top of my head without thinking about the sentence before I speak. It's a strange concept, I think, to be able to think and speak that exact thought into English at the exact moment you need to get it across. What if somehow our brains mysteriously stop forming sentences, the very sentences we don't even know how we were able to form in the first place.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Happiness Notes from a Tim Keller message

The secret of happiness is found under you, inside you, where your roots are. Happiness doesn't consist in what happens to you, but what you are. 

Two prison men look between bars. One saw darkness, the other saw stars.

Happiness is not brought by controlling your environment, but by controlling your allegiances. 

Happiness is always a byproduct after seeking something above happiness.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


I just watched this insane movie called Babel. A movie full of so much darkness and hopelessness of which the characters somehow unintentionally bring upon themselves. All the bullshit that they let slide past built up like plaque in an artery, until their bodies gave out and they had nothing left to shout but EMERGENCY and HELP. It's in the utmost tragedies that somehow the most beautiful human tendencies are brought to life. The beginning of realizing some of the most unfathomable designing of the intertwining of human lives really is one of the greatest stories that can be told. I saw God in every inch of this movie. Yep.

My Thoughts

my thoughts
My thoughts
How terrible you are to me
First you make me laugh then you
make me scream
I can't trust anything about me
Because your always changing with
out me looking
I thought I could keep an eye on you
Before you changed once again
But you find joy in my sorrow and
wait till the night when I am
My prayers are twisted into
monologues of which I wonder if your
truth lies
Then you smile and laugh as the rest
of me cries
it's a dark world in there behind my
 there is no light in the lightless no
matter how much my will tried
To see the light would be to
accomplish a concrete
and currently all I am is the dust in
the wind

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Jesus > Religion

What does the Bible say about your thinking as a believer?

Proverbs 14:15 (NIV) A simple man believes anything but a prudent man gives thought to his steps

Acts 17:11 (NLT) And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonia, and they listened eagerly to Paul's message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to check up on Paul and Silas, to see if they were really teaching the truth.

Colossians 2:8 (NET) Be careful not to allow anyone to captivate you through an empty, deceitful philosophy that is according to human traditions and the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

Ephesians 4:17-19 (NIV) So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (ESV) For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new perosn by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Philippians 4:8 (ESV) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

1 Peter 3:15 (NIV) But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have. But do this with gentleness and respect


Putney, S. (2009). Contemporary Issues 1: Affirming A Biblical Worldview. Virginia Beach: Academx Publishing Services, Inc.

Morning Bagel

Psalms 32:9
Do not be like a horse or a mule,
Without understanding,
Whose temper must be curbed with
Bit and bridle,
Else it will not stay near you.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Knowledge and Believing

Isn't the problem that someone’s idea of knowledge is from their individual experiences. We don't like relativism. Yet believing the Gospel of Christ because you were told about it from another believer, is finding knowledge through an individual experience. And that person that showed the message to you was shown it by someone else through another individual experience, and so on and so forth. Is it a problem that our claim for saying the Bible is true knowledge and what Christ taught is true knowledge comes straight from the words of the Bible itself. We use the Bible to say that the Bible is real. This is one of my personal struggles. How can we tell people that don’t believe the Bible, that the Bible is knowledge by using the Bible as a reference of why it is true? My fellow peer referenced John 1:1 in a post showing that the Bible is the ultimate knowledge database. If you believe in the Bible, then this makes perfect sense of why you'd use it to tell people Christ is real and true, but if you don't believe in the Bible, it just seems like you are using a circular form of a logical fallacy that cannot be refuted. How can we find knowledge about God and Christ besides just saying, "well it's in the Bible, so it's true"?

By faith and believing?

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Paradox of Our Age

I agreed with the majority of what this was I thought it was interesting enough to share...

The quote is taken from the essay that appeared in “Words Aptly Spoken,” Dr. Moorehead’s 1995 collection of prayers, homilies, and monologues used in his sermons and radio broadcasts.

The Paradox of Our Age
By Dr. Bob Moorehead

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce; fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.