Thursday, September 27, 2012

for the two of you who won't find this:

it hurts when you say that life is short so don't waste it
so go do that thing
those things
that you want to do
it's a shame meredith

well i have a duty
it is my duty to twirl my hair in lecture
to day dream in class
to push back unnecessary learning until the night before the exam
so that one day i'll be given the okay to do another duty
another duty to help people like you
that have told people like me that i shouldn't waste away my life
i'll help you reverse your waste so you can have another chance to tell me
that i was wrong and that i should have chosen the path of me
and not inadvertently the path of you

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Pursuit of Happyness

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness tonight and cried my eyes out. Then I went to the bath tub and took the hottest bath imaginable and cried my eyes out even more. I'm home alone, and clean, and making dinner now, listening to Joy Kills Sorrow while filling out my Biomedical Ethics study guide. I'm going running on the trails tomorrow. I'm learning how to take care of myself too. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Some Questions For You

Why do I do what I don't want to do and why don't I do what I want to do?
Why is it whenever my mind is still, I just feel like crying?
Why is community impossible?
Why can't I have enough time?
Why do I worry when I know the truth?
Why are you so quite all the time?
Why can't I just hear your big booming voice in my heart shaking the fears and insecurities out?

Friday, September 14, 2012

In a coffee shop with an Orthopedic Surgeon

When I am in the environment of a warm, friendly, mom&pop coffee shop, I transform into another version of myself. A friendly and talkative person that can start a natural, unforced conversation with anyone and everyone I meet. Today, I was reading about Inoztiol and Rifampin (Anti-Tuberculosis drugs) in a coffee shop and a man sits in the next table arcoss from me so that basically we are facing each other with two chairs in between us. I heard his phone conversation, where he was giving advice on elevating, icing, and being careful of the healing process. He told the person to call back whenever they needed to or whenever they had questions. After he finished his phone conversation, I felt this thing (this coffee shop thing I get when I'm supposed to talk to someone in the coffee shop) and so I started a conversation.

Are you a doctor?

Yes, I am.

I'm in nursing school, I'm actually studying right now about Anti-TB drugs

Nursing is a really great profession.....You can go anywhere with nursing....La.....La....La.....

The conversation was surprisingly interesting to me. We talked about the complexity of the financial realm of the medical field and how treating a patient with resistant Tuberculosis does really end up costing $180,000. He started to break down all the costs, it was insane. He said, "It's insane." I'm not even joking. Out of the $180,000, doctors only get 8%. I'm not sure if you are aware, but treating Tuberculosis takes years. He went on and said that the medical industry is so big and influential in this country, that if the government decreased the funds by even just 2%, the stocks and share holders would loose money along with all the medical personnel. This would literally cause another depression because of how many people in the country would be effected by this 2% decrease of medical funding. He told me this was all surface level and that this topic was so complex. I nodded in agreement. He asked me what path of nursing I was interested in. I told him about the small orthopedic surgery experience I had in my Med Surg clinical last week, and how I really wanted more intense, adrenaline, bloody, life threatening surgeries. I told him that I wanted to go overseas and be apart of surgeries for people in different countries that needed surgeries done. He then told me he was an orthopedic surgeon, right after I basically said his surgeries were too small for me. Oh well. He didn't seem offended or anything, and why should he be? People's ankles need help too I guess. Anyways, I learned that for the stuff I want to do, to get involved in the actual surgery, I'd need to become a Physician Assistant, Anesthesiologist, or Nurse Practitioner.

Now no one will ever marry me and I'll never finish school....awesome.

I took my shirt off

I took my shirt off and then realized, from an increasing amount of racket being made from all the young boys on my street, that my blinds were drawn up. Awesome. I pulled my shirt back on, closed my blinds, and then retook my shirt off for some reason, I forget why. Anyways, it was embarrassing and I never want to leave my house again because I don't know how many little boys are running around my neighborhood who can imagine me in my bra and american flag head band. And that's the end of the story.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

i like

reading the bible alone
bacon carmel
things from scratch
feeling calm

that's all i have to say right now.
i'm going to bed early, and not because i deserve it,
but because i'm hoping tomorrow will be better
and will include some of the things that i like

i found this tonight,
and i like this:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Matthew 18:10-14

May we always love the little ones, the weak ones, the unable ones. May we always look out for the one's vulnerable and in need of help. May we be diligent even to the point of the release to all other things important, so that we may protect and rescue all that are in need. Because you, Father, desire for all little ones to be looked after and all little ones to be shown love.

Pasture > Shepherd >  Sheep > Single Lost Sheep
Medical Field > Medical Personnel > Community > Patient

Monday, September 10, 2012

Emergency Department

Today I worked in the ED. I totally loved it. I think triage would be an amazing place to work, even though I didn't really helped out in there. I briefly stopped by and saw a little bit of the chaos that goes on in there. You get to listen to people's ridiculous stories about how they landed in the ED on a Monday morning. And then if they aren't close enough to dying yet, you ask them to wait in line. Lol

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Surviving this program

And now for my 4 hours of sleep, followed by an 18 hour day 
...what we will do...

Saturday, September 8, 2012

After my first OR experience

After my first OR experience I think I'm hooked.
And I need big, intense, life-threatening, bloody surgeries.
Adrenaline pumping for 6 hours straight...yes please.

I believe and I am a child of the Lord

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 

John 5:22
The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 

1 Timothy 2:5
For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus

Ephesians 4:3 
Eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

Jeremiah 17:9-10
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

1 Peter 2:17
Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Where I tithe with the little money I've made myself

Heifer International

Shear Joy

SheepEntire communities depend on wool and meat from sheep. Struggling families use sheep's wool to make clothes, or sell it for extra income. Sheep often give birth to twins or triplets and can graze even the hilliest, rockiest pastures unsuitable for other livestock.
Some Heifer families use managed grazing techniques or zero-grazing pens to protect the environment and collect manure for fertilizer, which improves soil and pasture land.
Warm in winter, cool in summer, waterproof and durable - wool is a valuable product that struggling families can use for clothing or sell for extra income.
All over the world, Heifer partners are raising sheep to advance the cause against hunger and poverty. And, through the act of Pass on the Gift, they are also sharing training and animals with other families in need.

(copied and pasted from their website)

These communities aren't just handed a sheep, but they are trained for at least 6 months in advance how to use these sheep in the most advantageous, sustainable, holistic way possible.

To me this is showing the love of God to people. God's love doesn't stop with my donations.. If you think about it... one sheep could potentially give birth to two or three ewes. 

So lets do some math....(with the best possible outcome in mind ....sort of unrealistic that every ewe would be a girl and give birth to 3 ewes..but hey this is my math problem..)

With sheep living from 10-12 years and their productive lifetime best between the ages of 3 to 6 years of age....

In 2012 a donated sheep (sheep #1) at 3 years old gives birth to 3 ewes (sheep #2,3,4)
In 2013 sheep #1 at 4 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #5,6,7)
In 2014 sheep #1 at 5 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #8,9,10)
In 2015 sheep #1 at 6 years old gives birth to 3 more ewes (sheep #11,12,13)
In 2015 sheep #2,3,4 at 3 years old give birth to a total of 4 more ewes (sheep #14,15,16,17)
In 2016 sheep #2,3,4,5,6,7 at 3&4 years old give birth to 17 more ewes (sheep # 18-34)
In 2017 sheep #2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 at 3&4&5 years old give birth to 26 more ewes (sheep #35-60)
In 2018 sheep #2-13 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 39 more ewes (sheep #61-99)
In 2019 sheep #5-34 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 87 more ewes (sheep #100-186)
In 2020 sheep #8-60 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 156 more ewes (sheep #187-342)
In 2021 sheep #11-99 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 264 more ewes (sheep # 342-606)
In 2022 sheep #14-186 at 3&4&5&6 years old give birth to 516 more ewes (sheep #607-1,122)

So I know this is sort of unrealistic...but potentially is possible by donating one single sheep to a community in an impoverished country, in ten years this community could have 1,122 sheep. I mean even if 1/4 of this amount actually was produced, that would still be about 280 sheep. What if just an eighth of this happened? That's still 140 sheep out of one person deciding to donate one sheep within a ten year period. And what if, worst case scenario, no sheep were produced? That sheep would continually be giving to it's new community until the end of it's years. Worst case scenario.

A sheep is sheered once a year and generally can produce approximately 1000yrds-1500yrds of yarn from this annual shearing. To give you some perspective, that is about 840 slouchy beanies or 420 long scarves or 140 blankets that could be produced, just from that one sheep within ten years continually producing (like they were trained to do by Heifer International). Not only is there the fiber that can be harvested from these sheep, but also there is the whole meat option as well.

And who's to say that we can't donate more than one sheep to get things started off a little more quickly? 

That's what I call a happy tithe.